Gift From The Sea

Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever does not take up his cross and follow after me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. ~Matthew 10:37-39

One of my annual summer activities is to re-read Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. This slim but packed volume is full of beauty so ancient and yet so new. Today's gospel (Mt 10:34-11:1), especially the above lines, reminds me of the chapter on the double-sunrise shell . For Anne, this shell is a symbol of the pure relationship. The first part of every relationship is pure, she says, whether it be with friend or lover, husband or child -- "pure, simple and unencumbered ... a self-enclosed world ... perfect unity." We find this very beautiful for "Its self-enclosed perfection wears the freshness of a spring morning." Naturally we want to "prolong the spring of early love" and thus we resent any change, "even though one knows that transformation is natural and part of the process of life and its evolution."

Anne questions the validity of the pure relationship, and so do I. Or perhaps I should say we question whether such a relationship can be maintained over time. Like Anne, I think not. The pure relationship is lovely while it lasts, but life and love are much larger and infinitely grander. Anne acknowledges the universal truth that we all wish to be loved alone. "Is it such a sin?" she asks, then quotes the Indian philosopher who gave her this wise answer: "It is all right to wish to be loved alone, mutuality is the essence of love. There cannot be others in mutuality. It is only in the time-sense that it is wrong. It is when we desire continuity of being loved alone that we go wrong." Anne adds a further thought from a friend: "There is no one-and only, there are just one-and-only moments."

Anne concludes: "One comes in the end to realize that there is no permanent pure-relationship and there should not be. It is not even something to be desired. The pure relationship is limited, in space and in time. In its essence it implies exclusion. It excludes the rest of life, other relationships, other sides of personality, other responsibilities, other possibilities in the future. It excludes growth." Without growth, there is no life. I do not want to be in a lifeless relationship, no matter how charming and beautiful it may seem at its beginning. Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting (Proverbs 31:30). That is not what I want. I desire the truth which endures unto life everlasting, the truth of life which is love.