Today's Memorial: St. Teresa of Avila

Today the church celebrates the life of that lively, passionate woman, St. Teresa of Avila, or Teresa of Jesus. She's probably best known for her mystical theology (she's one of three female doctors of the church, the other two being St. Therese of Lisieux and St. Catherine of Siena), her spiritual classics (e.g., The Interior Castle), and her invigorating reform of the Carmelite Order in the 1500s. Her mystical experiences of Our Lord did not diminish her enormous practicality, and, to me, she seems to have achieved in her life that remarkable balance of what I call "head-in-the clouds with feet-on-the-earth". That's something I strive for daily, and so I've looked to her for guidance for many years now.

I was a newly-clothed, starry-eyed novice when St. Teresa brought me back to earth with a huge thud. I was given kitchen duty, which I didn't like because it prevented me from getting to some community prayers on time, plus it meant I had to leave Vespers early to take care of last-minute supper details. I wanted to spend as much time as I could in the chapel with my Beloved Jesus. "God walks amid the pots and pans," Teresa told her sisters, thus nipping in the bud all my silly little complaints and expanding my understanding of prayer and obedience.

Being a postulant was easy. We were the darlings of the community. The novices welcomed us with great enthusiasm, and the professed sisters doted upon us. Everything was new and exciting that first year in the convent. Then we received the habit, and, once the honeymoon was over, -- which was all too soon -- it was hard. More was expected of us, both interiorly and exteriorly, and rightfully so. We had been given our rule of life, not only to study but also to follow -- or, more precisely, to live. The new class of postulants looked up to us, and we had an example to set. We were not just testing the waters any longer . We had definitely set out on the waters of vowed life in community and all that it entailed -- and we were finding out that it entailed a lot, especially a lot of dying to self. Teresa spoke to me again. "It is certain that the love of God does not consist in tears, nor in this sweetness and tenderness which we for the most part desire, and with which we console ourselves; but rather in serving Him in justice, fortitude, and humility." Justice, fortitude and humility! What did I know about them? Not much, apparently -- but I could and did learn -- and am still learning.

That first year as a novice was our canoncial year, required by church law. It meant that we were secluded in the novitiate at the motherhouse except for something like an emergency trip to the hospital. We no longer had the distractions of outside activities such as taking classes at the local college in town. It was a tremendously serious and intense time of prayer, study and reflection. A wondrous time which I look back upon with much gratitude, yet also a trying time because I all I wanted to do was to pray, but I kept running into myself. I didn't always like what I saw, and I couldn't run away from myself because I had nowhere to go. Once again Teresa taught me. "A day of humble recognition of self, although there may have been many afflictions and pains, is a greater grace of God than many days of prayer."

My year as a canonical novice passed, a special time I will cherish until the day I die as I do my entire experience with the Springfield Franciscans. I left the convent the following spring when I realized that my vocation was not to religious life. But the lessons I learned from Teresa of Jesus as well as from these beautiful sisters have served me well throughout the years and continue to form me in the way of our Beloved Lord.

Thank you, St. Teresa, for showing me that prayer and love are always possible, no matter what God asks of us in the present moment!