Wednesday of Holy Week

Then Judas, his betrayer, said in reply, "Surely it is not I, Rabbi?" He answered, "You have said so." ~Matthew 26:25

John does not offer any psychological interpretation of Judas' conduct. The only clue he gives is a hint that Judas has helped himself to the contents of the disciples' money box, of which he had charge (Jn 12:6). In the context of chapter 13, the evangelist merely says laconically: "Then after the morsel, Satan entered into him" (Jn 13:27).

For John, what happened to Judas is beyond psychological explanation. He has come under the dominion of another. Anyone who breaks off friendship with Jesus, casting off his "easy yoke", does not attain liberty, does not become free, but succumbs to other powers. To put it another way, he betrays this friendship because he is in the grip of another power to which he has opened himself.

True, the light shed by Jesus into Judas' soul was not completely extinguished. He does take a step toward conversion: "I have sinned", he says to those who commissioned him. He tries to save Jesus, and he gives the money back (Mt 27:3-5). Everything pure and great that he had received from Jesus remained inscribed on his soul -- he could not forget it.

His second tragedy -- after the betrayal -- is that he can no longer believe in forgiveness. His remorse turns into despair. Now he sees only himself and his darkness; he no longer sees the light of Jesus, which can illumine and overcome the darkness. He shows us the wrong type of remorse: the type that is unable to hope, that sees only its own darkness, the type that is destructive and in no way authentic. Genuine remorse is marked by the certainty of hope born of faith in the superior power of the light that was made flesh in Jesus.

John concludes the passage about Judas with these dramatic words: "After receiving the morsel, he immediately went out; and it was night" (Jn 13:30). Judas goes out – in a deeper sense. He goes into the night, he moves out of light into darkness: the "power of darkness" has taken hold of him (cf. Jn 3:19; Lk 22:53).

~from Jesus of Nazareth, Vol. II, Holy Week, by Pope Benedict XVI

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Ave Maria!  This Holy Week I am so blessed to be using the Holy Father's recently published second volume of Jesus of Nazareth for my spiritual reading, prayer and reflection.  As with everything Pope Benedict XVI writes, it is brilliant and profound.  Any comments I would make are certainly superfluous and trivial, yet I do want to share with you three things that struck me from the above excerpt.

One, the Holy Father says that Judas is "in the grip of another power to which he has opened himself."  This other power didn't suddenly overcome Judas, whom Christ called his friend, and turn him into a betrayer.  No, by his own free choice, Judas had long ago opened himself to this power.  He was already in its grip.  How did this happen?  Had he not kept careful watch over the thoughts of his mind and the desires of his heart?  Had he failed to make them subject to the will of God and His law of love?  Had he been betraying Christ all along in small but significant ways? 

Two, the Holy Father notes that Judas "does take a step toward conversion" when he tells his evil cohorts that he has sinned.  But that wasn't good enough.  He was telling the wrong people.  They had no power to forgive him -- only God can do that! -- and they were most likely to assuage his guilt because of their own wickedness.  Judas could not forget "everything pure and great" that Jesus had given him, but he was turning to those who would continue to cover it up with the filth of their own sinfulness.

Three, the Holy Father says that after the betrayal, Judas "can no longer believe in forgiveness" and so his remorse turns into despair.  Had Judas not been asking God's forgiveness for his sins all along?  Could he not repent of his betrayal of his Lord and Master in the garden because he had not been seeking God's love and mercy throughout his life? 

Surely it is not I, Lord?  Surely, it is...

My guilt towers higher than my head; it is a weight too heavy to bear. My wounds are foul and festering, the result of my own folly. I am bowed and brought to my knees. I go mourning all the day long.  Spent and utterly crushed, I cry aloud in anguish of heart. I count on you, O Lord: it is you, Lord God, who will answer.  For I am on the point of falling and my pain is always before me. I confess that I am guilty and my sin fills me with dismay.  Make haste and come to my help, O Lord, my God, my savior!  ~from Psalm 38